I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
