She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
