Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
