Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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