Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
