Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
