He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
