it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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