I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
