just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
