This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
