i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
