Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
