I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
