Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
