can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
