today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
