I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
