SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
