how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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