as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
