The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
