You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
