I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
