I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
