I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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