What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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