He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
