Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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