The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
