When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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