New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
should my penis look like a turkey
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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