when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
