just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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