I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The Olympian is in my bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
