I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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