Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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