Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
