I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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