his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
