FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
