M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
