I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
