it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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