this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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