The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
