Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
