I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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