All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
