Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
