well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
