It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had to coat check the pizza.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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